When I was trying to conceive, especially during the 2 weeks waits, I was constantly questioning every twinge or possible symptom. I spend tons of time on Google trying to figure out what it might or might not mean. In the last week or so, the googling reemerged as I questioned everything as a potential sign of labor. One minute I was sure I was about to start contractions. The next minute I was convinced they were staying in there until the c section. It’s been a week of trying to rest up and be as prepared as you can possibly be for this.

Tomorrow is the big day. In less than 24 hours, I will, G_d willing, be with my babies on the outside. I know it’s going to be an amazing day and there’s definite excitement, but there’s definite fear as well.

From my end, I’ve never had surgery (besides wisdom teeth and my egg retrieval). I’ve never even had stitches or a broken bone. So, the surgery in itself is scary. Then there’s the thought of potential complications or something going wrong with the babies. I know that it would be rare, but I’m still worried. I was lucky to have had regular ultrasounds, so I have the peace of mind that everything has been OK in there: fetal echo showed everything fine with the heart, all other organs looks good, they are measuring right, fluid levels have been good, etc. But there’s still that piece of me that can’t help but worry until I see and hear them.

It’s the worry of not knowing what to expect or how things are going to go. My whole life is about to change and I have no control over all the changes that will happen. It’s terrifying, yet wonderful at the same time. It’s what I wanted.

Here’s one last bump picture at exactly 38 weeks.

The next pictures will be of my amazing little miracles!

After all it took for me to get pregnant, I have felt grateful for the relatively easy pregnancy that I’ve had. I’ve written it before, but overall I have felt good. There was no crazy swelling (just normal feet swelling when I was working), no high blood pressure, no gestational diabetes, etc. I feel lucky to be able to say I’ve enjoyed being pregnant. While I absolutely cannot wait to meet my little ones, it’s weird to think that I won’t be pregnant anymore. I see my belly in the mirror and it’s strange to think that I won’t have it. I know it will never look like it once did, but eventually I’ll be able to lie on my stomach again.

I did encounter one annoyance of pregnancy recently when I ended up with PUPPs. Like with the pregnancy, it was a minor case and could have been a lot worse from what I’ve read, but it has still not been a walk in the park. If you google PUPPs, you’ll see crazy pictures of women’s bellies covered in red marks. Mine doesn’t look like that. It actually started on my feet, which meant for an eventful time while we tried to figure out what was going on.

It first happened in early July. I all of a sudden had what looked like bites all over my feet and ankles. It was extremely itchy and I was convinced I had some type of bug infestation in my house. I had the Orkin guy here because of termites and showed him my feet. He told me it wasn’t bed bugs, but looked like fleas. This grossed me out because they would be coming from the stray cats all over the neighborhood. After about a week the itchiness went away and I didn’t develop any new “bites” so I figured I was in the clear.

About 2 weeks ago, it happened again. I went to bed with a couple of bites on my feet and woke up super itchy in the middle of the night with bites all over the feet and ankles again. It looked like what happens if I get bitten by red ants, but I spent almost no time outdoors. It seemed impossible to me that I could get that bitten by something and never see any actual bugs around. So I started thinking maybe it had to do with the pregnancy. Maybe I was allergic to something in pregnancy, maybe it was a pregnancy skin condition, etc. Meanwhile the itchiness was killing me.

Thankfully I had an OB appointment the next day, but he was stumped. He brought out this big medical book and in the end suggested I go to a dermatologist. In the meantime I was getting more bites with some on my thighs and even my belly. The dermatologist ended up taking a biopsy of a couple of bites and prescribing a topical steroid to help.

In the end, it turns out it is PUPPs, which is uncomfortable, but harmless to me and the babies. That’s all that matters in the end. It should go away once they are born. Hopefully the marks do too. Even though I did my best not scratching, my feet look like they were plagued by chicken pox.

So I didn’t get away scott-free from pregnancy related stuff, but it was mild in comparison to what others have gone through. As I near the end, I’m cherishing getting my naps in since I haven’t been this tired since the beginning and I’m definitely getting more anxious on what is to come.

As my due date gets closer, the anxiousness grows.

I know that this is completely normal and that most, if not all, moms to be start having those moments of anxiety, nervousness and excitement of what is to come. It sometimes still feels surreal that I’m even pregnant, let alone 36 weeks pregnant with twins. I’ve been pleasantly surprised at how well I’ve done and really how uneventful it has been, with the exception of morning sickness. At the beginning, I was sure that by the beginning of July I’d need to be at home all day with my feet up. I thought it was inevitable with twins and my advanced maternal age (lol) that I’d be on bed rest. Once we reached July, I was feeling fine. My feet were swollen at the end of the day and the drive to work was uncomfortable, but other than that, I was thankfully doing well.

Once my OB determined that it didn’t look like Baby A was going to get into the right position, he scheduled a c-section. That gave me a definitive date in sight and also allowed me to give a last day at work so that I could also get some downtime prior to the babies’ arrival.

The date also started my true anxiousness. I’ve had moments of panic thinking, “What made me think I could do this? How did I get to this point?” It’s ironic to have spent so much mentally and monetarily to get here and then now second guess that decision. I’m not really second guessing. I still want this completely. It’s only momentary freak outs.

As I sit here with less than 2 weeks to go, I think about all that it took to get here. A year ago, I wasn’t even sure that I would be able to get pregnant and now I’m surrounded by cribs, baby toys, a changing table and a stroller.