I’m not ready for the retrieval yet. Day 12 of stimulation meds and still waiting to get the go ahead to move forward with the egg retrieval. My follicles have been growing, but they haven’t yet gotten to the optimal size. I’ve been going in for monitoring almost every morning. The nurse I spoke to a few days ago said it’s normal and that we all just have different rates of response to the meds.

I have a total of 16 follicles. I’ve read enough to know that this doesn’t mean that I’ll get 16 eggs out of the retrieval. Some follicles may be empty and some eggs might not be mature enough. There will also be eggs that don’t make it through fertilization. I’ll be lucky if half fertilize, so we’ll see. First I just need to get to the retrieval. I just got home from another monitoring, so will know more this afternoon once my blood test results are in.

I am uncomfortable at this point. I am bloated. I’m not sleeping well. And I just feel blah…don’t know how else to describe it. I’m not irritable, just kind of down and ready to be done with all the shots. I know once the retrieval is done, I’ll be obsessed with when the transfer will happen and then after that of whether I’m pregnant. It’s not like the anxiousness will subside with this next step.

On another note, last night I ended up watching La Bamba which I found while flipping through random channels on TV. This was the first movie I ever remember that truly affected me. I remember being devastated at the end when Ritchie dies in that plane crash. I remember coming home and wanting to be in my room alone and I was only 7. All of that came back to me as I watched his brother running into his mother’s back yard where she was doing laundry and had just heard the news that her son had died via a radio report.

The weird thing is that this morning as I drove to my monitoring appointment, the song La Bamba came on the radio. It was such a strange coincidence that it felt worth mentioning. I have no idea what it could mean and it probably means nothing.