I sometimes still can’t believe that there are 2 babies growing inside me. Plus they are now each the size of an avocado! In all seriousness, it was hard for me to accept at first.

Since I started trying to conceive, there were always the people who told me that hopefully I’d have twins and my reply was always “Hopefully not!” I had seen first hand what it’s been like for my brother and sister in law that I understood enough of the reality and how many hands on deck you need. It was going to be hard enough to raise one on my own, let alone two at the same time.

When I went in for my first beta and it was over 600, the thought twins went through my mind. Obviously since I put in two embryos, I knew it was a probability, but it had been all along and I hadn’t gotten pregnant yet. It didn’t seem like such a big risk. When I went in for the second beta and it had more than doubled, I worried about it to myself. At my first ultrasound, the doctor turned the monitor showing one baby and started talking about the heartbeat. The first words out of my mouth were, “Oh, just one!” His response was, “Well actually…” as he then moved the instrument to show the second baby.

I was ecstatic to be pregnant, but the twins aspect felt really overwhelming. Over time I have gotten much more used to the idea and have come to be fully attached to both of them. There are moments when I’m excited about the friendship they will hopefully forge and how at a certain age they will entertain each other. There are other moments where it still terrifies me, but I think that would happen even with one.

It is overwhelming and should be, I guess. I keep thinking about getting two of almost everything and how much baby stuff I’ll accumulate pretty quickly. Those kinds of things are stressful. But then I also think about double the love, about how they will each have their unique personalities, and most importantly how I was able to give them a sibling which may not have happened if I’d tried to conceive a second time.