Yesterday morning as I was driving to the doctor’s office for my progesterone test, I all of a sudden thought “Oh sh*t! What am I doing? Am I crazy?”

It’s not that I haven’t thought this before. I actually thought that a lot over the last few years whenever I’d think of this as a possibility, but then all the reasons why I want to do it even if it is crazy supersedes. The reason it struck me so much yesterday is because since the IUI I’ve been eerily calm. Sure, I’ve been stressing about whether I’ll get pregnant this try, but the actual insemination didn’t freak me out like I had expected. On the SMC forums there are lots of threads of women having the same thought I had yesterday. There are those who still have that moment while pregnant and even when they baby is here, but it doesn’t stop them.

I do think it’s unconventional and therefore slightly crazy to decide to have a child alone, without a partner. At the same time, though, I also think that everyone can deal with a little bit of crazy. It’s not going to be easy and I’m sure there will be moments throughout pregnancy and while raising my child, where I’d wish I wasn’t doing this alone. That’s very different from knowing that I can do this alone. A woman on the forum said something along the lines of “If a 16 year old homeless girl can do this, then so can I.” I’ve adopted it as my mantra when I have those mini freak outs.

Other than that, my progesterone level was good so no need for supplementation. I have a little less than a week left in my TWW and I’m still obsessing over every potential symptom or lack of symptom.