I’ve been thinking a lot about what to write in this next post. Going through another cycle of IUI, I don’t want to repeat the different steps of the process to all of you. While I’m going through the same steps, it feels different this time. There’s a familiarity now that I’m doing this a second time. I know what’s coming and that puts me a little more at ease. I still have apprehension in not knowing exactly when I’ll be ovulating and doing the IUI, but at least I know what to expect when it does happen.

I have a different hesitation or nervousness about it working. It was such a roller coaster to go through the TWW and then not be pregnant. Something was going on in my uterus even if in the end the egg was bad or the embryo didn’t implant. I know that our minds can play tricks on us and that I could have imagined certain things, but I definitely felt cramps a few days post IUI that I have never felt before. It was a different sensation.

Where that sensation felt like it was working, now I’m worried that if I feel it again I’ll think it’s not working. Or if I don’t feel it then I’ll wonder if there’s something wrong. It’s just such a weird experience, which I’m well aware is not unique to me.

I want to keep positive thoughts throughout because I know that my thoughts do have an effect on how my body reacts. It’s harder to be positive this time around, but I know I have to be. I know that it will come, that I’ll get pregnant. I suppose I’m just being impatient.

For now, it looks like I’ll likely be having the IUI Monday/Tuesday. I finished taking this round of Clomid a couple of days ago and should start testing for ovulation in the next couple of days.