Here we go again. Another failed cycle. Another CD2 ultrasound. Another Clomid prescription.

I spent the days since my last IUI trying not to read too much into what I was feeling. It’s harder said than done. I think I did pretty well the first week, but then it was like going from 1 minute thinking I was pregnant because I fell asleep at 9 pm to the next minute thinking that it had nothing to do with it. I ate a piece of broccoli and spit it out because it tasted so off, which I interpreted to mean I was pregnant. I could go on and on about all the “signs.”

The thing is that I keep thinking that what I’m feeling is not in my mind. That the egg is actually being fertilized and the embryo is making it’s way to my uterus. I’ve started to convince myself that the issue is with implantation because my luteal phase (the time from ovulation to getting my period) is too short. My body isn’t allowing enough time for implantation.

I started feeling this well around the time of my last IUI when I realized that my last 2 cycles had been around 24-25 days instead of 28. Ever since high school I had had short cycles, but in my adult life I had been on the pill so long that I didn’t know what my body would do now. I went off the pill in December and my first 2 cycles were exactly 28 days. The funny thing is that when I was younger I thought that getting my period more often meant that I must be super fertile! Yeah, I guess I didn’t really pay too much attention in biology class or wherever they teach you all of this stuff.

Anyway, I brought it up with the nurse when I went into the IUI. She didn’t seem too worried, but had the doctor call me. When we spoke he said he was very pleased with my reaction to Clomid this cycle. I had 2 mature follicles and maybe even a 3rd on the cusp. When I told him that my previous cycle had only been 24 days he did sound a little worried, but he said that with the amount of mature follicles I should be producing more progesterone and that he still had high hopes. He did say that if I had another short cycle, that I should make an appointment to sit down and talk with him because we might be dealing with an issue we didn’t know we had.

Sure enough, another 24 day cycle. I have faith in my doctor, so that’s a good thing. At the same time, I am starting to think this is going to be a much longer journey than I thought. We might have to try different things before we get this right and now of course I’m also worried that I might not be able to get pregnant at all. I know I’m jumping to conclusions, but it’s hard not to. I see women on the SMC site who have been at this for months and years and I don’t know how they push through. It’s like a knife slicing through my heart each time…a little more painful each time.