I’m half way through my TWW and the insanity is kicking in. All the questioning of what might be going on inside my body. The thing is that where the last two cycles I was feeling all sorts of stuff I could consider symptoms, this time I don’t feel any of that. I’m bloated from the progesterone, but that’s about it. One minute it makes me worry that I don’t feel anything and then the next minute I think it might be a good sign since the last 2 didn’t work.

The bloated feeling hasn’t helped with the self esteem. I try to find the right clothes that fit comfortably, but also don’t make me look pregnant! The thing is that I know I’ve gained weight since I started trying to conceive. It’s partly stress eating, partly having cut back on exercise, and partly the obsession with chai lattes that I’ve had recently. I tend to yoyo between a few pounds. At the end of last year, I lost about 6 pounds and was feeling better. Over the last 2-3 months, I’m pretty sure I’ve gained it back. Now I’m feeling self conscious.

Yesterday I was at a friend’s house and they had that pogo ball thing for the kids – you know the round disc with the ball in the middle and you stand on the disc and jump? I got on it and started bouncing only to suddenly remember that I was TTC and that all the jumping might not be good for a potential embryo trying to implant in my uterus, so then clumsily stopped almost falling flat on my face.

All that to say that any rigorous exercise makes me nervous right now. I did go to yoga yesterday morning and I think for now that’s what I feel the most comfortable doing. I’m trying to block out any body image stuff and just focus positive thoughts on being pregnant.