The most common phrase I hear from people lately is “It will happen when you stop thinking about it.” I know they mean well and typically I just smile and say, “Yeah, I guess.” What I really want to say is that I have to think about it. I’m not agreeing with my husband that we’ll take the pressure off and just see what/when it happens by going about our normal routines and sex life. I have to make appointments for blood tests and monitoring. I have to remember to take several pills a day. I have to be home between 7-9 PM for about 12 days in order to give myself shots at the exact time. It’s impossible not think about it. I can imagine it’s even impossible for married couples as I can’t expect just turning off the switch in my brain that’s running the loop “I want to get pregnant. I need to get pregnant. Am I ever going to get pregnant?”

Aside from that, I’ll say that I have felt better this week than I have in weeks. I’m exhausted from work, but at least I feel emotionally like my normal self again. Earlier this week as I was getting ready for bed, I all of a sudden had this calming feeling of feeling like me. It’s been over a week since I’ve been off anything messing with my hormones, so that helps.

This coming Wednesday I have the post-IVF consult with my doctor, so we’ll talk about next steps including when I can try again and what we might do differently. Next weekend I’m going away with my mom for a long weekend and I’m really looking forward to it. After it was clear that I had a CP, I decided I just needed to get out of town and try to truly relax before my next try. While I likely will still be thinking about all of this, it will be the closest I’ll get to forgetting about it for awhile and hopefully that will have a positive affect on the next try.