Different Process

I know it has been awhile, but something about this IVF go around made me want to keep the process more private. It wasn’t anything in particular about it, but simply that sometimes it gets difficult to focus on myself and the process when I know others know all these details.

It’s been a much more internal process this time, however it’s also been a less crazy one. The first IVF egg retrieval, transfer and TWW all coincided with the Jewish holidays as well as the birth of my niece. There was a lot going on and it added to the stress of the whole process. This go around, besides worrying that the retrieval would end up on the same day as the office holiday party I was planning (500 people!), there wasn’t too much else going on. It has definitely helped. I’m hoping it yields positive results, but only time will tell.

Over the last couple of days I have been thinking about the fact that if my first IUI had worked, I would be due any day now. It’s kind of crazy to think that. I remember talking with my father about the fact that he would have to spend New Year’s at home this year if he wanted to be around for the birth. There were lots of moments like those throughout the process. With each try I calculated the potential due date and so when my mom would mention a wedding or reunion out of the country, I’d tell her that she’d have to wait and see if she could go. At some point I stopped calculating the actual due date. It put too much pressure on those dates and I was starting to dread when they would come up and I’d be reminded of each failed attempt.

As January 1st approaches, I think I’m OK with it. Do I wish I was already pregnant? Of course. Would it have been better emotionally, physically and financially for me if this process wasn’t so long? Sure. The thing is that, at a bare minimum, this year taught me how much I can actually handle and how much I really want this.

Retrieval #2

Yesterday I went in for my egg retrieval and I am happy to report that they retrieved 14 eggs! This morning they called with a fertilization report and 10 out of the 14 fertilized. This is amazing news!

Some of you might recall that last time, they only retrieved 5 so I started off with lower odds of success. The change in protocol seems to have worked in getting me to produce more mature follicles this go around. The quantity doesn’t dictate the quality, but at least I have more to work with.

The next few days will dictate what happens next in terms of transfer date. They monitor the embryos and make decisions on whether I’ll do a day 3 or day 5 transfer. It will also allow us to see how many actually would make it to day 5 for freezing. Even though I had 4 fertilize in September, none made it to freeze (I transferred two). I am cautiously optimistic about my chances this time around.

I am happy with the results so far and can’t wait to hear more of the fertilization reports in the next couple of days. Hopefully there’s only more good news to come.

Day For Me

Yesterday I had a day like I hadn’t had in awhile. It was a day that had the perfect mix of being out and about plus relaxation. Besides the very early start, it was a good day.

I had an early morning monitoring appointment that required me to leave the house before 7 AM on a Saturday, but that also made it so that I was at the mall before the stores even opened. This is the time of year when I avoid the mall, but getting there just before 10 and not having to fight through any crowds or for a parking spot was great. I went to use my yearly 15% off discount birthday treat from Anthropologie! I basically had the store to myself, which was an added bonus.

It was very rainy yesterday, so what other better thing to do than to watch a movie. An 11 AM adult movie also meant very little crowds and quiet in the theatre. I saw Secret in their Eyes. I highly recommend. It had it’s pretty intense moments with twists and turns that I didn’t see coming.

I spent my afternoon watching the Top Chef episodes on my DVR and taking a nice nap and then topped off the night with Chinese food and friends. Besides starting the day with an appointment and ending it with shots, it was a day that made me feel like the pre TTC me.

While this 2nd round of IVF still has the same stresses, I’m trying to approach it differently. I’m trying to go with the flow and take care of myself mentally. I have my moments of agonizing over the quantity of follicles and when the retrieval date might end up being, but overall I think I’m doing OK. While I hated taking 3 months off between tries, it seems to have really helped.

I’m hoping for a good birthday week ahead and a retrieval next weekend!

It’s Like Riding a Bike

It’s like riding a bike…you never forget.

Those are words that I don’t necessarily believe because I haven’t ridden a bike in 20 years and I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be any good at it. In the spirit of the saying, however, injecting myself with stimulation meds is like riding a bike 🙂

Timing was on my side and I went in for my day 2 ultrasound and blood work on Monday. I just did my 3rd night of injections. It’s kind of scary how naturally it all comes to me now. There’s no hesitation. I’m an expert at prepping, sanitizing and stabbing myself.

I’m still feeling relatively normal. There’s been no major bloat yet, my hormones seem under control and I’m not exhausted yet like I was last time. I know all can change in the blink of an eye, but for now I’m feeling good. I go in for another monitoring appointment tomorrow and will likely be going every other day (at a minimum) until next weekend.

It’s strange that these nightly injection routines have become easy. I feel oddly at peace this go around. It’s probably the forced time off and having been drug free for awhile. I’m hoping these are good signs for the cycle to come and that I go into the new year with positive news.