It’s incredible how quickly things can start to feel like habit. If you think about it, I’ve only been on this TTC (Trying to Conceive) journey for 3 months. Somehow it feels like I’ve been going to those doctors’ offices forever. There’s the familiar faces and conversations, and the ease I now feel in that environment.
As I sit in the waiting room (for the IUI I have to wait 1 hour), I look around at the other women and couples. I can fairly accurately distinguish the newbies from those of us that have it down pat. I know what kind of wait I’m against for IUI’s, but also that blood draws and ultrasounds are pretty quick. I know depending on the cycle day whether they are also going to need a urine test or whether I can come with an empty bladder. When I check out, I’m prepared for exactly what follow up appointments I need to make and sometimes I’m the one that reminds the woman at the desk that she forgot my ID bracelet for the IUI procedure.
Just a few short months ago it was a foreign place and every appointment felt new. Now that I know it so well, I’m ready to get back to the unfamiliar. I’m ready for new types of appointments and ultrasounds. The doctor yesterday told me, “Hopefully the next time I see you is for your pregnancy ultrasound and not here in the office again.” I hope so to. I’m trying to stay positive and stay focused in the now.
After my last failed cycle a couple of weeks ago, I was really down. It took an emotional toll on me and while I’m still scarred from it, I had to re-think how I was handling some of this. I had more or less stopped any exercise because the nurse had told me not to do anything too active during the 2 weeks post IUI. I’ve been living my life in 2 week increments but it was like I had stopped the rest of my life and it was making all of this even harder. I was sluggish and feeling isolated, which made the failed cycle that much more devastating and difficult to handle.
Since then I’ve been trying to re-focus. I went to yoga classes a couple of times last week and I also got a Fertility Yoga DVD. It’s yoga that I’ll be able to do these 2 weeks too. The DVD has some meditation exercises on there too, which I think have been helpful. I did it this morning prior to going in for the IUI.
As I lay there today while the nurse and doctor were doing the procedure (it was complicated again this time), I kept to my breathing and repeated to myself “I am fertile and abundant.” I’ve never thought of myself to be into affirmations or intentions, but I’ll do whatever it takes to stay positive and get pregnant.
I have my 2nd IUI tomorrow and then the TWW begins again. I am taking progesterone this time, so hopefully that will combat the issue I’ve been having with the short cycle. Wish me luck!