I feel like I’ve made progress in terms of preparation. I know I still have a lot to do, but I do feel a little more at ease. I think the biggest thing I was able to check off my to do list was finding a baby nurse. That had been stressing me out the most!

I had interviewed a few and while all were qualified, it felt like goldylocks: one was too expensive, one was too chatty, etc. When interviewing this last one, I felt like we clicked and that was important to me. They all had the experience and had been actual nurses in other countries, but I had to think of who I could live with for a few months and not go crazy.

Aside from that, I more or less have my registry finished, I know baby showers will all happen by end of June and I’ve got basics like onesies, socks, and sheets at home. I also have been packing some of my house little by little over the weekends. Even though I won’t be moving into the new house until probably October, I know that packing will get harder further into the pregnancy and may not even be doable with 2 newborns. I’m basically packing those things that I know I won’t be using even though it means having piles of boxes in the house. So far I’ve packed my books (at least 6 boxes), purses (2 large boxes), and some clothes that I know I won’t be wearing. There’s not much more that I won’t be needing, but I take comfort in feeling like I’m moving in the right direction in terms of organization.

There’s still lots to do, but at least I’ve made progress.

Not Prepared

I’m starting to get stressed out about whether I’m prepared for the babies’ arrival. I know I still technically have plenty of time, but there’s so much unknown heading in to the 3rd trimester.

Everything has been going well and at this point there’s no reason to think that I’ll be on bed rest or that they will come too early, but I’d rather be prepared and have everything go as scheduled, than to end up with extra anxiety. I have this strange parallel in my personality because with certain things I’m a huge procrastinator, but with others I’m a total planner. Perhaps it is that with many things, as long as I have it all planned out in my head, I can procrastinate to the very end, but with this I have to actually prepare, not just plan.

I’ve been so focused on the pregnancy that I haven’t started reading up on infant care and I know I have to do that. I do have my registry pretty much done, but besides a very few onesies and pajamas, I have nothing else “baby” in my house. I haven’t registered for the childbirth and CPR classes I know I need to take. I need to start interviewing pediatricians. I honestly could go on and on. Perhaps this is the beginning of the nesting syndrome that has started to cause me anxiety.

Part of the issue too is that I’ve decided to buy a new house that will more comfortably accomodate my family of 3, but the house requires renovations that likely won’t be done until after the babies arrive. This means a makeshift nursery in my current house, which takes some of the fun out of it. I also need to (and started this weekend) pack some stuff to not only make room for the twins, but to also get a head start since once they arrive, I know I won’t have time.

I have multiple lists written down (since I can’t remember anything) and multiple ones in my head. I know I have to take a deep breath and do one thing at a time. I know I’ll never feel fully prepared…how can you be. I simply want to feel like I can bring them home to a comfortable space with at least the bare minimum ready for them.

I Really Am Pregnant

Sometimes I catch my reflection in mirror, see my baby bump and think “I really am pregnant!”

I’m very much aware that I’m pregnant on a regular basis now. Getting up can be a slow process, bending down to pick something up is hard, sleeping in not totally comfortable, and my ribs hurt on and off all day. But for some reason, seeing that reflection, that change to my body, makes it all hit home.

I’ve always imagined being pregnant and what would happen to my body, but seeing and experiencing it is a whole different story. No matter how overweight I’ve been in my life, I don’t really gain weight in my stomach. It’s stayed more or less flat. This made the first few months of pregnancy hard, body image wise, because even though I knew I was pregnant, I just felt fat and I knew that is what it looked like. Once it started shaping itself, the body image stuff faded somewhat, but it still surprises me to see the belly and it’s only going to get bigger.

I think what strikes me the most is that I finally am pregnant…that at the end of this will come not just one but two children into my life. We all have lots of dreams for our lives and for me this is the first major one that is actually becoming a reality. It’s a dream that didn’t come easily as all of you who’ve read my blog know, yet it still feels like it caught me by surprise.