Last night I must have slept 4 hours at most as I was a bundle of nerves tossing and turning. Last cycle I was eerily calm when it came time for the IUI but this month I can’t shut my brain off.

I’ve felt like timing is off or something this month even though it’s not so off base. Last month I got a positive Ovulation Predictor Test on the evening of CD13, so I went straight in for an IUI the next day instead of going in for the CD14 ultrasound and blood work. I was expecting this month to go the same, so when last night the 2 tests I took were negative, I started to get nervous.

It doesn’t help that I have a busy work week. My job is completely different now and I’ve been more concentrated on one project that has required some long meetings every couple of weeks, while the in between time I can be a little more flexible with my schedule. Of course, the next round of full 2 day meetings fall Tuesday and Wednesday of this week. I had to tell the consultant I’m working with that I’ll be late to the meeting that I planned. It goes against all of my usual work ethic. Even though my blog is public, I haven’t openly been telling people at work, so all I could tell her was that I have a doctor’s appointment I can’t move.

I was sort of banking on my first IUI being today and the second on Tuesday, so I could at least be there the full day Wednesday. So seeing the negative last night, I knew it meant 3 mornings of doctor appointments and it added to the stress/pressure that I already feel with this cycle. And, I know I’m supposed to try not to be stressed…

I went in for the ultrasound and I have two leading follicles, which is good. They had me give myself the trigger shot tonight and I’ll be going in tomorrow AM for the IUI. I’m trying to let go of the guilt of being late to my meeting tomorrow and hoping that I can just relax during the procedure and the 15 minutes afterwards.

I want to think good thoughts. I want to feel like last month was a trial and this is it.