I have been single for most of my life. It’s not for a lack of wanting to be in a relationship, but of not having found many men that I actually want to be in a relationship with. I’d rather be alone than with someone that I’m not genuinely interested in.
I know that I was too picky in my 20’s, not giving some guys the chance they deserved and maybe dismissing them for something silly early on. But I also know that over the last few years I made a conscious effort to give these guys a chance, but there haven’t been many that have been worth it. There have been those that I did like, we dated briefly, but then they weren’t interested. All of this to say that while I would love to still find the right man for me, I would prefer to be single than with the wrong one. I am not sad because I am single. I would be sadder in a relationship without love.
Sometimes I feel that people can’t understand this and so they assume that there is something wrong with not being part of a couple; they almost don’t even know how to react to someone like me. The assumption is also made that I have no clue what being in a relationship or being in love is like, which is ridiculous. I have been in love, so definitely do know what that feels like. Besides romantic relationships, I have tons of other relationships in my life, which all require some semblance of compromise, patience, good and bad times. It’s not like I live in some relationship bubble.
I am very much aware that when you meet the right person, and when you are in love, certain quirks, personality traits or history don’t weigh as much on you as they would with the wrong person. Years ago I wrote something about how the phrase shouldn’t be “love is blind”, but instead should be “love blinds us.” I was writing that after a relationship ending and having the perspective of things I had dismissed while in the relationship even though they had been signs of what was to come. I know very well that we can let things go when we want the relationship to work out. The thing is that I also know that you do many times see those flags, even if they are just yellow, and proceed with caution because you are in love. You still see them though, and decide to forge ahead because you believe this person is worth it.
I don’t appreciate people assuming that I just dismiss men because of yellow or red flags. I will perhaps keep my eyes and ears open, which is something I see as wise.
What constitutes the right man for me is not on some check list. I don’t know exactly what he looks like, what his hobbies are, or what movies (if any) he likes to watch. There are things I’d like him to be interested in or ways that I’d like him to act, but that could change with the right connection to someone. I know that I’ll likely love having a partner in crime, but will also need some “me” time mostly because of my introverted nature. Although even that could be different with the right guy. There isn’t a right or wrong for couples in terms of how much time they spend together or if they have different friends or like different foods. There are all different types of couples for different personalities, so it bugs me when people assume that I’m anti-relationship if I make a comment about something being OK for me in relationship that wouldn’t be OK for them.
Sorry, or maybe not, about the long vent. I only want people to stop viewing single women as desperate or anti-relationship. I, at least, am happy in my life and have chosen to live it the way that I want with the hope that one day I’ll have a partner to share it with me.