I am still not pregnant.
I’m having a hard time finding the words right now to express how I feel without being redundant. I had really high hopes this time around. My response to the meds was great and I was on progesterone, so it seemed like the odds were in my favor. Yet here I am again starting clomid and filling prescriptions for the shots I’ll need to give myself.
I feel defeated. I feel worried that this might never happen for me. I feel like I can’t stop until I get pregnant.
When I first started TTC, I told myself that if I had 6 IUI’s then I’d consider moving forward with IVF. It felt appropriate considering that a doctor wouldn’t even see me until 6 failed tries if I was doing this the old fashioned way. The thing is that I never really believed that I wouldn’t be pregnant after 6 tries. I knew that the first try was a long shot, but I was sure that it would only take me 2-3 tries.
Now that I’m here with 4 tries and no pregnancy, I’m ready to at least have the IVF consult, so that I know exactly what it entails and can start prepping in the event that I have to go that route. I’m continuing on with this cycle in the hopes that it’s lucky #5, but I also want to prepare for what might happen.
This whole process is just brutal, but I know I won’t regret it once I’m holding my baby in my arms.
My insurance would only pay for 3 IUIs and then I had to move on to IVF. I was scared of IVF at first and really didn’t want to have to do it, but the longer I went without conceiving (we had also tried at home insemination a bunch before trying IUI) the more I felt that I was willing to do whatever it took to have a baby. Then I got pregnant very quickly with IVF! The percentages of success are much higher than IUI. I remember my doctor telling me at one point “Women like you always get pregnant, it’s just a matter of time.” He meant because I didn’t have underlying infertility, just didn’t have a male partner. That made me feel relieved. And you are in the same boat so just remember… women like us always get pregnant, it’s just a matter of time 🙂
Thanks Jessica! That is reassuring. It’s hard to forget through the process that it will eventually happen.