“Why does there have to be pressure?” my yoga teacher told me yesterday. “Why don’t you just relax and not feel guilty. Enjoy the time.”

It’s like she knew me all too well just by observing me in class. She can probably tell that there are days when I can’t separate myself from my thoughts and I let that take over my practice. As much as yoga has helped me, I do still have a tough time just relaxing. Even when I go get a massage, it takes me like the first half to relax. The worst is when they tell you to relax. I then stress myself out trying to have my arm go limp or seem relaxed. In yoga I can feel myself getting in my own way, almost sabotaging my ability to do the pose, but I can’t stop it.

So my yoga teacher probably senses this about me. Before class I was telling her about my trip and my sabbatical. I mentioned to her that now that I’m back from my trip, I feel that the pressure is on to figure things out. Which is when she said what she said. I know she’s right to a certain extent. It’s how I tried to deal with the first half of my leave after I got over my initial guilt of not working. But I somehow feel like I need to have an answer prior to July 7th as to what I want to do. Do I want to go back to work? And if not, then what will I be doing? If I’m being practical, I can’t quit my job without something else in the works. Right?

I think the key is to meet somewhere in the middle on this pressure and stress in. The more I relax and enjoy my remaining time off, the more likely I’ll be to get in touch with what I’d like to be doing. Right?