My appointment with the specialist is on Friday and I can’t think of anything else. I’ve been going through the motions at work while thinking about how the appointment will go. How fertile am I? Will I be able to go through a few tries unmedicated or should I just go for the meds right away to boost my chances? If I decide to move forward, how quickly can the first try happen? What’s really involved in freezing your eggs? Should I do both in case I meet someone a few years from now and need my “younger” eggs to have another child?

There are so many thoughts going through my head. It’s like one of those news tickers at the bottom of the screen while you’re watching the news. Even when I’m talking about something else or doing something else, my brain is racing with all these questions and things that I might want to get a head start on.

I know a lot of medical questions will get answered on Friday, but I’ve also been reading up on the forum I joined taking in everyone else’s experiences and what they chose to do. It’s a bit overwhelming, but I do feel like it’s made me think of questions that I might otherwise not have thought of. I would have had no idea what IUI (intrauterine insemination) means and that you can go through it with medication like Clomid and something called a trigger shot.

I’ve spent the last couple of nights combing through sperm donor websites. It’s just as bad as online dating. Online profiles with basics like physical features, ethnicity, medical history, and in some cases personal profiles. You can pay more for extended profiles, staff opinions, baby and even adult photos in some cases. Do I want to see what he looks like now? Is that important to me? I’ve read tons of opinions for and against seeing the pictures. I’ve also read a lot of what other women have decided to prioritize. If you have too much criteria (just like finding a boyfriend/husband) you end up with no choices…no one can meet your complete check list.

Here’s my ideal:

• Open donor – meaning that at 18 my child can choose to get his information and meet him a ’la The Kids are Alright.
• Of Jewish ancestry
• Physically have similar characteristics to me and my family – I’d like my child to look like me. This doesn’t take away that he might get a recessive gene of a grandparent that had blond hair or something, but it would be hedging against that.
• Intelligent – the only way to really tell this is by seeing education, major, and reading a personal essay if there is one. It’s pretty subjective.
• Enough vials available for multiple tries and perhaps storage for a future child from the same donor.

I’m trying not to think too much about whether he’s athletic or into carpentry or something. I am intrigued by
those donors that seem to be creative. There’s one that got his MFA in printmaking and that sounds pretty interesting. As I go through them, I have to keep reminding myself that I’m looking for DNA and not for my ideal mate.

It’s about choosing the right donor and choosing the right bank. More on the banks later.