It will happen when you stop thinking about it

The most common phrase I hear from people lately is “It will happen when you stop thinking about it.” I know they mean well and typically I just smile and say, “Yeah, I guess.” What I really want to say is that I have to think about it. I’m not agreeing with my husband that we’ll take the pressure off and just see what/when it happens by going about our normal routines and sex life. I have to make appointments for blood tests and monitoring. I have to remember to take several pills a day. I have to be home between 7-9 PM for about 12 days in order to give myself shots at the exact time. It’s impossible not think about it. I can imagine it’s even impossible for married couples as I can’t expect just turning off the switch in my brain that’s running the loop “I want to get pregnant. I need to get pregnant. Am I ever going to get pregnant?”

Aside from that, I’ll say that I have felt better this week than I have in weeks. I’m exhausted from work, but at least I feel emotionally like my normal self again. Earlier this week as I was getting ready for bed, I all of a sudden had this calming feeling of feeling like me. It’s been over a week since I’ve been off anything messing with my hormones, so that helps.

This coming Wednesday I have the post-IVF consult with my doctor, so we’ll talk about next steps including when I can try again and what we might do differently. Next weekend I’m going away with my mom for a long weekend and I’m really looking forward to it. After it was clear that I had a CP, I decided I just needed to get out of town and try to truly relax before my next try. While I likely will still be thinking about all of this, it will be the closest I’ll get to forgetting about it for awhile and hopefully that will have a positive affect on the next try.

3 thoughts on “It will happen when you stop thinking about it”

  1. Even worse, people used to say to me, “It will happen when you stop trying.” I would become enraged at their stupidity. And I would be like, “Really? Please tell me of a same sex couple who miraculously became pregnant without having to try!” I also knew they meant well and just didn’t know what to say to make me feel better, but I’m not really sure anyone could’ve said anything to make it better anyway. It was always just best when someone let me cry and yell to them. And then move on to the next try.

    1. Yes! The stop trying comment is ridiculous. It’s like they forget who they are talking to. Unless there’s immaculate conception, then I’m pretty sure if I stop trying, there’s definitely no baby.

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