Perhaps a little late in the internet age to start a blog, but I’m finally giving into at least trying everything on my to do list instead of just thinking about it. The over analyzing, trepidation, and lack of action is what helped me come up with the name “Adult Growth Spurt” for the blog. Instead of spending my 20’s acting carelessly or finding the love of my life or even following any passions, I kept myself in my mind thinking of all the things I wanted to do, but almost never taking action. I was stunted.
Turning 30 excited me and I looked forward to all that lay before me, yet that wasn’t enough to change me into action. I still wasn’t growing. It isn’t as if I wasn’t acting like an adult; I have been for working full time for quite some time, building a career and even getting my MBA in the process. But that’s really as far as it got. People around me were getting married, starting families, buying homes and starting businesses. I was merely floating with time letting it take me wherever it would.
Over the last 1-2 years, things began to shift for me. It wasn’t a conscious shift and it’s definitely still in process, but it was a move towards taking things into my own hands. It started with cooking, which seems like a strange first step and perhaps unfeminist, but it was fulfilling. I never thought I could cook more than just basics. I also felt that cooking for one person was depressing…it takes longer to cook and clean than to actually eat the meal, but I started with just one meal a week. Not only did I enjoy it, but I also felt better because I was eating a more complete dinner and not store bought food. Now don’t think I’m Martha Stewart or anything. I go through phases still where I cook regularly and then don’t cook more than quesadillas for weeks. But it was the first step in me more consciously taking care of myself.
The cooking evolved into yoga, which I had always proclaimed I hated. The kind of cliche thing to say about your 30’s is that you start caring less what people think of you and this is definitely what happened to me. The few times I had tried yoga before, I couldn’t relax. As people sat cross legged and breathing with their eyes closed, I kept blinking mine opening thinking that I was the only idiot listening to the teacher. My mind would race picturing everyone else in the class doing other things while I sat alone with my eyes closed. Now I could care less what anyone else is doing. My teacher says that yoga is about leaving ego at the door and it couldn’t be more true. Some days it’s easier than others, but for the most part I manage to approach my practice without paying attention to any one else. I am by no means a master yogi…I wish, but the reality is that I still can’t do a headstand and my backbend lasts like 3 seconds on a good day. The thing is that the peace of mind it brings regardless of the poses is incredible.
In January 2013, I finally decided it was time to take home ownership seriously. I had looked on and off for 5 years, but whenever I got close to finding something with potential, I talked myself out of it. It felt like this huge responsibility that I wasn’t sure I should take. It was also something that I wasn’t sure I wanted to go into alone. I had always pictured owning a first home with my husband and he had yet to make an appearance. But as 2013 started, I knew I had to keep evolving and that it no longer made sense to keep my life on hold waiting to see if maybe some man would come into my life. As soon as I walked into the house that is now mine, I knew it was meant to be. It was what I had been waiting for and there was no turning back; I had to have it.
So moving into my home was my big step in 2013 and as it wound down, I kept thinking about what would be next. Now that I had started making moves in this adult growth, I needed to keep the momentum.
Day after day it had been getting harder to get up for work. It no longer excited me and some days while there I felt like my head was going to pop off with smoke like you see in some cartoons. I knew that I had to make a change, but what that change would be I had no idea. Was I burnt out and just needed some space from it for awhile? Is it a career change that I need to make? Those were just some of the questions that kept going through my mind and frankly still are. I ended up with taking a 2 month sabbatical. I am currently in week 2 and trying to find my way to an answer. I invite you to join me on my journey as I continue to evolve and grow into the adult I’d like to be and possibly the one I don’t even know yet.