I have this unexplainable need to “shock” people by telling them that I once pierced my tongue and shaved my head (although not at the same time). Both these things happened over 15 years ago, but for some reason I still think it gives them a little more insight into who I am. Although, honestly, I’m not sure what type of insight it gives them.

It’s a weird thing that I feel the need to share these things. It might stem from appearances being such a big deal…making such a big impression. People always assume things, including me, about what a person is really like. Lots of people when they first start getting to know me say that they love how laid back I am when in reality I am always overanalyzing and planning everything in my head. I fool them by seeming laid back on the outside 🙂

But for some reason I like finding the right moment to throw out at people that in college I pierced my tongue and shaved my head. They are always shocked and intrigued by why I would do such a thing. Which my answer is “I just wanted to” and that’s the truth. I didn’t think much about either action, just deciding to go for it. They might seem like rebellious things to do, but at Smith it wasn’t out of the norm or strange and I wasn’t thinking about my parents at all when I did them.

I frankly didn’t think about what anyone would think about the act or what they would assume about me. I didn’t care that three weeks after shaving my head I’d be in Colombia celebrating my grandfather’s 80th birthday taking family pictures that would immortalize the look forever.

So I really don’t know why if I didn’t care so much about what others thought back then, why know I throw it out to almost get people to think differently about me. It’s as if I want to prove their impression of me, whatever it may be, wrong. Like I am capable of doing something dramatic, but mostly because they view it as dramatic. I didn’t view it that way at the time. Perhaps it’s a reminder to myself that I have it in me to chart my own path without caring what those within my community think.

If it is a reminder to myself, then now is the time to keep repeating because as it gets closer to getting back to work, I’ve gotten closer to accepting the inevitable and comfortable place to be. I don’t want that. I do want to keep rebelling against the constrictions I’ve set upon myself. I want to feel OK about trying something new and not being so worried about how it will pan out. I shaved my head and while I thought it looked great the first few months, then it grew out weird and I had to accept it until it was back to being manageable. It’s perhaps a metaphor for choosing a new career or role at work.

So to shock all of you or not, here’s a glimpse: