I feel mentally exhausted. This week has been rough. Not only have I been dealing with all my emotions on where I am in this TTC process, but work has also been high stress with long days.

The upside to being busy at work is not having too much time to think about all the other stuff. It’s still there, though, right under the surface. I also have some decisions to make and I’ve been too tired to focus on them when I come home. I just want to lay in front of the TV and think about nothing, but I need to make some quick decisions.

I am moving forward with IVF and had the nurse and financial consult on Tuesday. There are different payment options and if I want the multiple package option I need to have made a decision 2 weeks before I start stims (stimulation drugs). So the decision would have to be made by this coming Tuesday. I keep waffling back and forth. I also am applying for a program where I can get a percentage off my meds, but until it comes through, I can’t order my meds. I’ll be traveling the last week in August, so for my piece of mind would want to have everything squared away beforehand.

So there’s just all this stress with the prep, while still coming to terms with the fact that I’m even at the point of moving forward with IVF. It’s scary. I know it’s doable, but it’s scary to do this alone. I know I’m not alone in terms of family and friends, but it’s not the same as having a partner at home with you. Multiple shots a day, other pills, your mood being all over the place…

I know I need to just take it one day at a time. There’s no point in worrying about the shots now. I really want this to work. It kills me to think it might not, but I just have to keep going. I have to trust that it will…that I will somehow end up with a child.